it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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