he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
