Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
OPIZZABONMYDICK
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
