I accidentally had phone sex last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize