got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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