U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When are your genitals available?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize