Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
