happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
