I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
