wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize