I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Come on in and take your pants off
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