did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
