Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
