Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
