Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
