Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
