My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
