ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
