dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
