well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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