The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
