I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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