i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
