the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
