I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
