I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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