Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would ride that face into the sunset
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize