If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
