I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
