Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
