Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
