matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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