What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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