When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize