my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
