I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
