The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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