Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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