So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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