you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
