ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
