Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize