Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
