I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
