Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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