apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
