Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
