Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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