its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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