Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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