wakey wakey hands off snakey
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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