I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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