I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize