i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
