u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Two words: nipple clamps
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