I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Soap is not a condiment
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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