Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
