i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
