If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
