It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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