The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I look better un-naked...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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