You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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