I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I smell like Dick and happiness
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
