Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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