i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
