Duck Duck Cougar?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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