My Higher Power is John Stamos
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
