it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
