Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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