having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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