why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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