so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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