OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
