How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just pee around me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize